True but thats because hes a fetus.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
