I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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