yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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