If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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