She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
