Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
