i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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