Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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