My hand turned me down
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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