if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
