You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We are two peas in an std pod
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
