I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my liver is dry heaving
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
