he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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