Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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