I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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