Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
