Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Less talking, more tequila
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize