He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
