That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
