two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
