I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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