Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
