I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
