you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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