He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
