dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
