and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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