is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need a beard to bite.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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