Umm I'm too high to move.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have demons in me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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