So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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