why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
