I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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