non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
