Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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