i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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