trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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