I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
