Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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