So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
