my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
