Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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