so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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