When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize