i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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