at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
