Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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