Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize