Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
