i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
