My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
