guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize