They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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