thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
