She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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