Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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