ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
