I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
