Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
