He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
