He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no, he came in my armpit
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
