It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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